Yesterday, I found an incredible second wind after I drank a GT’s Kombucha.* Man, I was wired for nearly 6 hours after drinking that thing; it tore me straight out of some kind of haze at work, and into an amazing sense of concentration. As much as I love the stuff, I’m staying away from coffee nowadays. And since I’m simultaneously interested in developing a positive habit, kombucha** seems like a good idea.

*Clicking on that link will take you to a commercial website. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to share that.

**By the way, Dan, it’s KOM-bucha, not KAM-bucha. But I think it’s damn funny that people pronounce that first syllable like the first syllable in camera. Where do you get the ‘a’ sound from the ‘o’? I can’t think of another word where those particular sounds replace one another.

kombucha2

Today I drank the kombucha at noon instead of 6pm, so my day was great. I had abundant energy at work, but tailed off right around the time I got home. For those of you who don’t know about kombucha, allow me to shill a little. According to wikipedia, “Kombucha is the Western name for sweetened tea or tisane that has been fermented using a macroscopic solid mass of microorganisms called a ‘kombucha colony’.” Near as I understand, it’s good for your belly, specifically the good bacteria in there. I’m prone to believing all that, even though I haven’t vetted the stuff all that carefully. Mostly, I like the taste and it seems to give me a nice boost.

Also worth mentioning is that the stuff is like a ticking time bomb. I’ve seen dozens fizz and bubble and explode all over the innocent and guilty alike. So often people think that you should shake it to mix in the cultures, but those folks just end up wearing it. I nearly lost my head one time when I caught Wrall pounding on the bottom of his one day. He ended up opening the bottle in the van, and by some fluke we were all spared a bath. That was an exception, I assure you, Wrall. The point? Don’t turn it upside down.

We had music of the 80’s today at the store. It was actually a welcome departure from the usual fare, even though I had “Upside Down” in my head for an hour. 

I must have been moving my shoulders in a certain way as I walked through the store, because I estimate it’s impossible to hear that song without having that reaction.

I also walked around mis-quoting a funny scene from Major League II. Yes, that Major League II.* The scene goes something like this:

Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughan, played by Charlie Sheen, is a pitcher who used to scare the bejeezus out of his opponents with the wildness of both his pitches and personality. He threw hard and people were scared of him. By the time we meet our hero in II, he has lost his edge, owing to his wet blanket publicist/girlfriend who is using him for the promise of money. She is transforming him so that he might have a ‘higher class’ image: “wholesome, clean cut, all-American”.

In this scene, he is filming a spot for Right Guard Sportstick. He’s playing croquet wearing exclusively off-white: shoes, pants, shirt, sweater draped over his shoulders.

“When on the croquet lawn, one must be careful not to offend one’s opponent with an onset of unwanted odor,” he says, hitting his ball through the wicket into another player’s ball.

“Oh, bully,” the stuffy gentleman proclaims.

“That’s why I use Right Guard Sportstick. Maximum protection against Odysseus odorifously oflacty emanations.”

“That’s, uh, cut! Let’s just cut that. Um, it’s odiously odiferous olfactory emanations.”

“Right.”

“Odoraforous ofalactory emarinations.”

“Odorferous oflacitnal nominations.”

“Odororforous Ofalactagil emancipations.”

There is a short scene of Vaughan getting lit up on the pitcher’s mound unfortunately interrupting this genius of a scene. Or maybe the interruption is part of the genius, because just when you’ve almost forgotten about the ad, it comes back…

“Take 87!”

“Right Guard Sportstick. Anything less-” he hits the croquet ball “-would be uncivilized.” And he smiles, holds up the deodorant, but it’s upside down.

“Upside down,” the director says, exasperated, and mimes turning it over.

“Upside down.”

*I’m a huge baseball fan, and a fan of Major League, but don’t worry: I agree that this film is terrible. Just awful from start to finish. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever finished it. For whatever reason, though, Wrall took to quoting from it and we’ve stuck with it. He’s not a baseball fan, either, so I can’t explain how he got on to it. We’re considering a full-on review of the film. Only if we can get through it, though…

Now that I just wrote all that, I realized that the clip is probably on youtube. And it is:

That just goes to show you that I can’t be trusted with this internet thing. Hopefully reading all that providing some measure of pleasure. The point is: I was walking around all day saying stuff like: “odorforous. oflactagil. emancipations.” It couldn’t have been more appropriate, because I made a dubious decision recently to begin greeting one of my colleagues by smelling him.

It sounds weird, I know. Hell, it is weird. Most people probably think he started it, because, well, he would start something like that. But, no. It was me. In fact, when I was arriving at work yesterday, he interrupted a conversation to come take a big whiff. Our co-worker, with whom he had been speaking, gave a quizzical look and I had to admit, “I’d question this, but unfortunately, I started it.”

Here’s what happened: The day before the above interaction, I heard a woman complement him on his smell, so I thought I’d see for myself. Any subtle move to smell the man could be taken the wrong way, so I chose a very flamboyant sniff. That went well. Now we’re walking around smelling each other all day. Man, I hope he reads this blog.

In case you are wondering, kombucha smells like vinegar. And we both drink the stuff.

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