Daddy Wrall just made espresso for us and something really strange happened. He poured the espresso into three cups, one for each of us. He tasted his first and made a face. “This tastes… bad.”

I immediately reached for mine, because I don’t want to be left out. Maybe mine was gross too? It wasn’t bad, but… “Mine just tastes like water.” He tasted his again.

“Nope. Mine tastes gross. Yeah, it’s a little watery, but mostly just bad.”

I handed him mine and he tried that. He eyes lit up. “Whoa. Yours tastes like water.” 

“This is what I’m saying.” I handed my cup to Sam.

“Yeah, but mine tastes fine.” He gave his cup to me.

“Now this tastes like coffee.”

Wrall tried it too: “Yeah! What the heck?”

In the end, we poured all the coffee into one cup and redistributed the coffee. How such a thing could happen, I don’t know. One espresso maker, three cups. One tasted good, one bad, and one like nothing.

World is so cold, it’s true. We stay warm through mittens and gloves, and through hot coffee. Best of all, though, is our new invention. It will soon be sold by Vince Offer on televisions and in malls throughout the land. It’s called: LifeSac™.

lifesacLet’s talk about LifeSac™ for a second here. LifeSac™ is made in Sweden, and as well all know, Germans make good stuff, but Swedes make better stuff. LifeSac™ will keep you warm all day, as long as you don’t need to leave the house, and if you do, you can put on Footsie LifeSac™ (patent pending) for ease in driving. (It’s the LifeSac™ with feet!) Just check out this handy-dandy jingle (sung to the tune of “Love Shack” by the 52s):

The LifeSac™ is just a sleeping bag that’s
Blue and filled with feathers!
LifeSac™ baby! (LifeSac™ baby!)

Vince, if you’re listening. We’ll let you promote this project. We’ve seen some of the footage of the Underground Comedy Movie and we have to say: you’ve made a good life decision, moving into Slap Chop and ShamWow! I mean, as a filmmaker I’d bet you were spending twenty dollars a month on paper towels! Not to mention how boring your tuna used to be. LifeSac™ could put you over the top, because we all know the world is cold.