Hello Fanchildren:

My name is Moyne and as I have been doing for the past few days, I will be filling in for the injured Dunlap. Worry not, his hands and ears are unaffected. In fact, physically he is fine (if just a wee tired…) It is his mental faculties that are of concern. (Enough so that I have hope that I might replace him in the band.)

You see, I play the Zut Flute as well, a (once terrible, now) auspicious coincidence, for while I was wasting my talents in a midwestern practice space, Lap was fortunate enough to have found musical partners in Daddy Wrall and Samuel P. Nice, forming one of the best three piece outfits I’ve ever seen.

So, during a recent tour, the band was concerned about Lap and considered it imperative that he “take a break.” I happened to pass the boys on the corner of LeMoyne and Hoyne streets in Chicago, while they were talking about the iniimitable Glen Goins.

(Ed. note: Mr. Hoins speaks in a strange dialect, that though it is written like English, sounds different. The former sentence, written phonetically, would sound like this: “I happoind to pass the boins on the coin of LeMoyne and Hoyne in Chi-toin, while talkoin about Glen Goins.”)

I had seen the band at Gunther Murphy’s and was impressed enough to be intrigued. As the Great Dunlap is my virtual doppelganger, and we have virtually the same skillset, I offered my services. Tagging along to Minnesota and Wisconsin, they realized that nothing was lost (ed: except intelligibility) and decided to keep me on as an alternate band member. Don’t be surprised if you see me at a show.

Speaking of which! Thanks to Cristina, Lipschitz, Lawrence University, Colby and Yi-Lo, Matt and Tapes n Tapes, Solid Gold, Chris, Hexagon Bar, Bad News Jones, Dylan and Brian, Gunther Murphy’s, Gary, Dan and ESPECIALLY all of the new and established fans. You people are theBOMB.

(ed: the next passage has been phonetically reproduced for effect.)

Soin, the next toim you happoin to be at a Fairchion shoin, please talk with Moyne, Samuoin, and Daddy Wroin, take our music hoim, listen on the headphoin and enjoin! Send an e-moin or post a commoin any toim.

Party Oin,

Moyne LeHoyne Hoins (of the Hollywood Hoins’)

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